failure

I know I have had a few posts about school work and how my main focus is school work, according to my mom. I have pretty high standards for myself. I'm disappointed with anything lower than a B+ and I absolutely need the A's from those easier classes such as ICP or P.E. However, my mom's standards are even higher because she knows that I can do better. My life has always been about doing better. But how is better achieved when you are already doing your best. I'm not saying that I'm doing my best work all the time, but I have no idea when best is reached. Is best supposed to be a 4.0 GPA, winning states, and being perfect. I'm sure that's what all moms want to see in their daughters. But, I feel like I'm striving for the best not for myself, but for my mom. Is that how my highschool grades should be based on? Solely on whether a mom would be satisfied. I think not. I'm completely satisfied as long as i keep my GPA above a 3.5. I feel like I'm not doing work for myself anymore, but instead for my mom and what would please her. I'm in this competition against my older more perfect sister to achieve better grades and my mom wants me to win because I'm her blood daughter, not a step daughter. I have a week to pull all of my grades up and honestly I don't think I'll be able to achieve it. Punahou puts enough pressure on their students and with this added pressure of getting a 4.0 and the college of my choice just doesn't help me or my self-esteem. and now i'm just venting on about my mom. So I'll leave this on a happy note and say that we only have six more days of school and I have never been so stoked about anything before. Don't get me wrong though, I am blessed to have the opportunity to go to Punahou and to have a roof over my head and supporting parents. I just needed to release how I felt on paper and this has helped me.